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Since Christmas is right around the corner I decided to blog about one of my Christmas moments.  Isn’t it sad that I even have a Christmas awkward moment…

A couple of years ago I went shopping with one of my friends at TJ Maxx.  It was Christmas time so the store was very busy.  As we walked around the store I saw a rack of really cute Christmas shawls!  I got excited and went “OMG look at this really cute shawl!”  As I grabbed the shawl to put it on my friend goes “Um Randi those aren’t shawls they are Christmas tree skirts!”  I don’t quite understand why they were hanging up then!  I almost walked around TJ Maxx with a Christmas tree skirt on!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

First of all what an amazing game last Thursday!  The Hokies pulled off an amazing win!  In case you miss it, here is a link for the recap http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7BgPHaHT1M . To be honest the only parts you need to watch are enter sandman at the beginning and then scroll to 13 mins.  Notice the Georgia Tech player who started jumping too.  Hey of you can beat them, join them! As Erin Andrews said “Lane Stadium is one of the best in the country when the Hokies are rolling… a must see in college fball…”   Anywho,  I watched the beginning of this awesome game at the local Hokie bar in Ballston at Bailey’s Pub and Grille aka TOTs of Arlington.  Of course I had an awkward moment.  My friend was talking about how she hoped she would find her husband there.  I was like “yea a Hokie husband.”  As we were sitting at the bar some random guy comes over to order a drink when my friend goes “Are you a Hokie?”  The poor fellow said “No I am an innocent bystander. What’s a Hokie anyway.”  I chime in with “I AM.”  For past and current Hokie we were told that this was the best way to answer that question.  We even got T-shirts that has this written on them.  Well guess what, it doesn’t work as well in the real world! The guy just looked at me like I had tourettes.  Not to make the situation any better I started giggling and began watching the game again.   Can I be anymore awkward?  As I sit and think about my life more and more the more I realize that my doctor might have been right…

Scroll 2 mins in to watch the explanation on Today Show about what a Hokie is http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26184891/vp/39557015#39557015

NEXT WEEK: Mommy Mommy I broke my arm!

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So when I was a tot I had four best friends.  They were my invisible friends Jenny and Winny, my stuff dinosaur Denver and my puppy!  I am not going to begin to try to spell the name so I am just going to call him Buddy.  I got Buddy for my birthday one year.  He came with several other puppies but I wasn’t allowed to keep them all. (Insert sad face.)  I got to keep one.  He resembled this dog that I found on Google http://cdnwww.dailypuppy.com/media/dogs/anonymous/21681/20090307264956_Elway_coveredinsnow.jpg_w450.jpg.  As Forest Gump once said “we were like peas and carrots.” Our relationship was like Stewie and Brian Griffin.  The only difference was that he wasn’t an alcoholic and I wasn’t planning to take over the world.  I loved that puppy. 

On Christmas I used to send him to the living to see if Santa had arrived yet.  He would never come directly back.  I would go back to sleep and wake up a little later and there he was beside my bed again.  Of course I asked him “Well is Santa here?”  Very difficult to get an answer from him, I guess he wasn’t a morning person.  One day my grandmother was over doing the grandma stuff.  She was chasing me around when Buddy thought she was trying to hurt me.  He was not going to have any of that!  He ran after her and grabbed her by the ankle.  Then my mother ran after him screaming “let go she is just playing!” No one was going to mess with his Ranbow. My favorite thing to do with him was read.  I used to drag him from under my bed.  Yes drag and he always acted like he was still asleep.  I doubt he was actually asleep.  Who can sleep when a little kid is dragging you across the carpet? I would drag him into my Barbie sleepy bag and zip the two of us in and read stories.  We would also do homework together.  My mother said she couldn’t believe he would actually sit there and listen to me.  That’s because he was my best friend.  From this experience, I think every kid in America should be raised a Hokie and own a puppy.  I think I might go volunteer at the animal shelter this weekend.  What a great way to remember him!

                When I was first learning how to read I wanted to show everyone that I could read and speak ingles (I couldn’t say English so I would just say the Spanish version of it.  No I did not intentionally speak Spanish, I just couldn’t speak English.)  In the first grade we used to make these paper books that we could color.  We got to use scissor to cut the paper in half AND we got to use the stapler to make our books! Too bad they didn’t teach me about the different types of staples back then! One day my cousin was over and I wanted to read the story to her.  I came across a word I have never seen before so I yelled to my mother.  “Mommy what does W.H.A.T. spell?”  She said “What”  I said “W.H.A.T, what does it spell.”  She said “what” again.  I really wanted to say are you deaf?  I know I can’t speak English but I am pretty sure I am pronouncing the letters right.  I said it again “W.H.A.T what does it spell?”  Once again she said “what.”  At this point I was frustrated.  I mean seriously.  I was about to say it again when my cousin goes “It spells what.”  Ok, so why didn’t my mother just say so?  Why did we waste five minutes trying to figure out what the letters spell?

NEXT WEEK: I Had a Brian Griffin Too!

NEXT WEEK:  What does W. H. A. T. spell?

    One Sunday afternoon my Big sister Jo-Jo (My aunt gave us all nicknames using the first syllables of our names then doubling them.  I.E. Jo-Jo, Ran-Ran, Buff-Buff; so clever, so clever.)  Sorry I digressed for a second… One Sunday afternoon my big sister Jo-Jo, my mother and I were reading the Sunday newspaper.  Yes at the rough age of 6 or 7 years old I did read the newspaper.  Actually I was playing with the coupons.  I liked the coupons because I could use them as skates.  I was too scared to do real skating.  I figured out that due to the surface of the coupon paper being slippery, it created an epic balance of friction with the carpet.  Thus, I could easily slide across the floor when I put a sheet under each foot.  Don’t believe me, grab Sunday’s paper and try it. Anywho, while they were enjoying Sunday’s paper I decided to throw some of the coupons and other papers on the floor.  I had no reason why I did this. I just did.  Meanwhile my mother kept saying “Randi pick up the paper off the floor.”  Whatevs, who cares what she has to say.    Being the genius that I am I also decided to run across the paper.  As I ran across the paper, my epic friction find did not cease to fail me.  I slipped and flew approximately 5 feet in the air and hit the ground.  As I stood up I could not believe they left the paper on the ground.  I screamed “who left the paper on the floor?”  How dare they leave it there?!   Did they not know there was minimum friction between the paper and the carpet?!?!!?  Oh and why yes I did not take the blame for any of the paper being in the floor.

                One day my cousins and I were hanging out at our great aunt and uncle’s. I don’t remember exactly who was there but I know Beezy was there.  Why do I remember this? Well we were swinging on this swing my uncle and aunt had.  It could sit at least 5 small children on it.  We were swinging and guess who fell off. I did and they kept SWINGING!  I’m helpless on the ground and they DON’T care.  I tried to get up and move but every time I tried I got hit by the swing.  I guess I could have stayed low and crawled under the swing but that required too much common sense.  I lack in that department. I don’t exactly remember how I escape from the terror of being hit multiple times with the swing but I do remember being comfort with an icee.  When I bring it up today Beezy likes to say “we kept swinging because we didn’t like you.” That’s exactly why when I was younger and Beezy would tell me to get into the dryer I wouldn’t.  She would have so turned it on.

                When I think of Miami several things come to mind, such as The Golden Girls, Hurricanes, mangoes and family.  When I was younger the two things I didn’t like about Miami were seaweed and the brown tile in my aunt’s bathroom.  They both made me squirm. 

                Picture this Miami late 1980s/ early 1990s, Bush number 1 was president, the first major oil spill occurred, and the cold war was coming to an end.   (If you didn’t catch on the “picture this” was a tribute to Sophia Petrillo and the greatest sitcom of all times: Golden Girls.)  In addition to all of this, the fam and I loaded up into the birth mobile and headed to Miami to see the familia.  ROAD TRIP! First stop Aunt B’s place.  She lived in a cute little townhome near the stadium formerly known as Dolphin Stadium.  When we arrived I stepped into the bathroom and what do I see on the floor, POOP! I walked over to my mommy and kindly told her that there is poop all over the bathroom floor.  Ok I don’t know who this is more embarrassing toward, me or my aunt, and the fact that I thought at 40 she needed to be potty trained again.  My mother walks over and said “Ran that’s just brown tile.”  Before you think, “how could you not tell it was tile?” let me describe what the floor looked like.  There were these one by one mosaic tiles all over the floor.  Majority of the floor was white with brown smears across it.  How could you not think it was poop?  For several years after that I would tip toe in the bathroom ensuring that I would not touch the “poop.”  I wasn’t quite sure if people were telling the truth about this so called “tile.”

                As a kid I had two invisible friends, Jenny and Winny.  Guess who else had the same invisible friends, my big sister Bussy B (the nickname she gave herself.)  She couldn’t have any other invisible friends but mine!  So we got into a little argument one day.  It went a little something like this “No Bussy B I was playing with Jenny first” Bussy B’s response “she likes me better.”  How DARE she say that someone likes her better than me! We then get in a heated argument about who can play with what invisible friend and who they liked better.  Now enters the parental supervision.  My mother goes “You El Retardos (thinking she was speaking Spanish) they are INVISIBLE.”  Awkward. Why are we fighting over people that aren’t even real? 

NEXT WEEK: Who puts brown tile in the  bathroom?? 

Have a safe and fun labor day weekend. AND LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (y’all can fill in the rest of that statement.